


The Adventures of a Dick in Sinnoh

by orchidbreezefc, Quineviere



Category: Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions
Genre: Gen, dawn is a dick, i'm one of those assholes who still insists on calling barry 'pearl', swearing unbecoming of a young Trainer, to be continued???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-25 13:45:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/639488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orchidbreezefc/pseuds/orchidbreezefc, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quineviere/pseuds/Quineviere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dawn is a girl of simple pleasures. She has one goal in her life, and one goal only: to get out of this backwards-ass middle-of-nowhere fucking hick town.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [on tumblr](http://orchidbreezefc.tumblr.com/post/23528569711/)

Your name is Dawn, and an alarm clock is blaring in your ear. After uncomfortably jerking awake, you yell back for a moment before realising how colossally dumb it is to yell at a clock, at which point you turn the alarm off instead. This completed, you turn your attention to the ceiling, where the rays of the early morning sunshine are painting it pale gold and oh god dammit. This is the ceiling of your bedroom, which means that yesterday was yet another complete failure in Dawn’s Continuing Quest to Get Out of This Boring-Ass Town.

Which, to be fair, you do every day. For as long as possible. So far, however, you have completely and utterly failed to find sufficient reason to make this state of affairs permanent, because your mother insists that it’s dangerous to go alone, and doesn’t even have the grace to offer a weapon when she says it.

In fact, the only way you can leave the town at all is in the company of your only willing neighbour—pretty much your only neighbour, period—Pearl, who also happens to be a total dumbass. Your hope every morning is that you’ll come up with the Adventure Idea before he comes up with his inevitably-dumber one, which is why you need to set your alarm so early. You turn on the TV as you dress.

“The rumoured red Gyarados failed to appear, even fleetingly, to the crestfallen team…”

Well, fuck. You hope Pearl wasn’t watching this station. He was born with a critical defect, yet undiagnosed, whose main impact is to leave him bereft of the common sense to know that a red Gyarados would not even consider living in Lake Verity, which you are pretty sure is actually the most boring lake in the world. You’ve never seen anything more interesting than a Psyduck there, and those usually trip over their own feet and lie face-down in the water for several minutes. In Pearl’s mind the lake might hold a legendary Pokémon with an entire entourage of red Gyarados, though the truth is probably closer to a single Gyarados with an entourage of Magikarp.

You hurry downstairs and sling your bag over your shoulder while you pop toast into the toaster just long enough for it to stop being bread. Even though by now you are heavily banking on Pearl not having seen the special report, you’re determined to head him off as soon as possible just in case.

While you wait for your bread to char, you work out that if you talk quickly enough you can probably make the Adventure of the Day be tree-climbing to find Burmy, and if one of you gets one, you just might be able to take it and use it as proof to your mom that you can handle yourself on a journey of your own. This in mind, you wave cheerily at her when she pokes her head into the kitchen.

“Pearl’s looking for you,” she says.

“Of course he is,” you mutter, “he doesn’t have any other friends.”

“He said to meet him at the lake—?”

“Shit!” You forget your toast and run out the door and straight to Pearl’s house, _come on don’t be too late, let’s go find Burmy instead_ —

Thud.

“Dammit, Pearl!” you snarl. From your newfound intimacy with the concrete porch, you shove the tangled mess of gangly boy-limb off you. “Watch where you’re—”

“Hey, Dawn!” he blusters, scrambling to his feet. “I’m going to the lake! You come too, and don’t drag your feet this time! The fine is one million Pokéyen if you’re late!” He starts to dash off, then skids to a halt, managing to stay upright in a mess of confused physics. “Forgot something!” he realises loudly, then turns on a dime and runs back through the door.

You sigh and follow him up to his room, nodding hastily to his mother. Pearl’s room is in the usual appalling disarray, but he is, as always, in too much of a hurry to notice. When you start the arduous task of picking your way across to him without stepping on anything that might contain life, he says, “Bag, journal… right, all set!” He whips around to face you and beams like your presence is terribly exciting and unexpected. “Dawn, hi! We’re going to the lake!”

“So you said,” you reply curtly, putting your foot back down on a safe patch of almost-floor. “Change of plans, I have a better idea—”

“Okay! I’m ready, so I’ll be waiting for you on the road! Ten million Pokéyen if you’re not quick about it!”

With that he blasts right past you again and down the stairs. You trudge back down, this time only offering his mother a grunt of acknowledgement. This is also all you offer Mr. Carson outside when he points to the road, presumably in Pearl’s wake, as if to ask what’s going on. You choose not to answer this question. It’s bad enough that one of you has to deal with this.

When you reach the disused dirt road outside Twinleaf, Pearl is standing by the weathered old sign that says ‘Route 201’, tapping his foot impatiently. He twirls, actually twirls, when he sees you, and spreads his arms wide. Showiness is a tell-tale sign that Pearl Knows What We’re Going To Do Today. All hopes of Burmy hunting fade from your mind.

“Did you see the news report on TV? I mean, you had to, right?! What a show! ‘Search for the Red Gyarados! The mysterious appearance of the furious Pokémon in a lake!’” he recites, spreading his hands to frame an invisible banner.

“Did you see the end of it, where it turned out there wasn’t a red Gyarados in the lake because they’re mythical?” you ask. Predictably, he ignores you completely.

“So then I started thinking, hey! I bet Lake Verity over here”—he gestures, as if you’re not familiar with the only interesting landmark closer than the next town—“has a Pokémon like that in it too! And if it’s there, we’re gonna find it! Come on!”

He marches off toward the lake, not waiting for any input from you. You sigh and resign yourself to another day spent uselessly splashing around in the shallow water. The Quest is going to fail again today, it seems, but there’s always time to catch Burmy tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we diverge slightly from the events of the game. Oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Co-author Mochironnai has joined us for the writing of this chapter. (Every lackluster line is hers. Even that one that sounded like Orc's. _Especially_ that one.) The existence of future chapters is contingent upon one or both of us feeling like writing them. Thank you for your cooperation.

Your name is Pearl, and the most exciting event of your life is right between those trees, you can just _feel_ it. And you say that every day, but today you really really mean it, something is going to happen. Dawn is following you, and you wonder if she is as pumped as you are for this. She has her phone on her, right? You’ll have to get her to take a video once this gets started. You’re thinking the red Gyarados will probably be on the west side, which means you’re going to have to wade around the edge of the lake right up next to the forest, but--

There are voices up ahead of you.

“Hardly the scene one would expect for the location of a legendary. We will have to make do...”

Okay, like, _holy shit_. There’s an old guy and a kid about your age who is probably like, his catamite protégé or something, but the point here is that this guy is obviously totally evil and he plans to shoulder in on your legendary-hunting which is totally not fair because you were _so here first._

You yank Dawn behind a nearby tree and cover her mouth so they don’t hear the predictable squeal she makes. You have this girl, like, mapped out, you’ve known her for so long. You know that she hates green beans, and screams when you drag her places. Stuff like that.

The old geezer hands over his suitcase to the poor kid, who puts it on the ground in front of him. “They’re not from around here,” you inform Dawn quietly, “that kid doesn’t know that the mud right there is like, like friggin’ quicksand when you put stuff on it.” You turn and smile at her, expecting praise at any moment for your awesome detective skills.

“They’re not from around here because only fifteen people are from _around here_ , dickbrains,” she says. Definitely impressed.

The old guy turns on his heel which is pretty impressive actually given that, you know, mud, and walks away. He has this really long coat that looks all badass in the wind, you remember you used to play in a big one your dad had and you were kind of small for it but it was still really cool and _wait dammit this is the bad guy here_. You hold your breath and hold Dawn against the tree like a seatbelt so they don’t see her as they pass. She says something like “what the fresh hell are you doing” but that doesn’t really matter because she’s a girl and her cootie-brains make her ask things like that whenever you do, like, _anything_.

“What do you think they’re planning?” you ask, at the same time Dawn says “They left that suitcase.”

You stare at the suitcase. It looks delicious. It looks... Pokémon.

As the old geezer and his pederastic companion leave, you quickly pull the briefcase from the sucking mud and look inside. “Look, Dawn, three Pokéballs! Do you think they have anything inside them?”

She shoves you aside, into the rocky outskirts of the lake (jagged rocks! you could have died!), and picks up a Pokéball.

“I call this one,” she says, pressing the button.

You ignore the fact that she may have broken your tailbone and pick up another Pokéball. “This one’s mine!”

Dawn surveys her blue biped curiously, checking under its flippers and flicking it in the head to see if it does anything. It bites her. “Ow, fuck!” she yells, shaking her finger off. “I’m gonna call you Jaws McCuntnugget.”

You press the button on your Pokéball, and out pops the _cutest_ little monkey. Like, this thing just gave you super diabetes ultra. That totally just became a thing right this second on account of how cute it is.

Also it’s on fire?? _How cool is that._

“Hey Dawn...” you say as you watch her try to teach hers to Surf. “I challenge you to a Pokemon Battle!” You’ve always wanted to say that.

She turns around and raises her eyebrows, looking you and your little friend up and down. “You have a fire--fine, yeah, I’ll fight you.” Her lips turn up at the corners and that’s a smile! It’d look creepy on most people but it’s not that weird for Dawn, that much. She is normally a little perverse, but that smile is different. This one--you’re not sure where to put this one. And before you’re done thinking, she’s already made her first move.

“Hey Jaws McCuntnugget, use Tackle!” she tells the penguin. You watch it charge towards your pal and hit it right in the kisser like some kind of arctic Bruce Lee. It totally doesn’t hurt him, so you choose a defensive move for the next one.

“Uh... Bruce Lee! Use growl!” you say, totally making a ton of sense with your naming skills. Bruce Lee growls at the penguin thing. Or at, should you say, Jaws McCuntnugget.

They face off for a little bit, and you have to tell Bruce Lee to get up and fight some more like, a bazillion times because you guess it’s just a lazy Pokemon or something. Finally, Bruce Lee can no longer get up.

“I win, you lose, suck my dick!” Dawn says, high-flippering Jaws McCuntnugget.

You are about to demand a rematch when from behind you someone says “What are you _doing_?”

You turn around and there’s the evil kid, with his hands on his hips, which is not really that intimidating since he seems kind of out of breath from running up to you. Behind him you can see the old guy, not winded at all.

“Those are _Professor_ Rowan’s _special_ Pokémon,” says the kid, flipping his gay-ass scarf over his shoulder. You have a scarf too, but it’s a manly scarf because it’s green. Green is a super manly colour.

The old guy, who is probably Professor Rowan, surveys the area. He humphs as he proclaims, “I have half a mind to call the police on you two. Stealing my Pokémon and using them in battles! Is that your idea of moral accountability?”

And oh god, you are so not prepared for a life on the run with Dawn, this is supremely not okay. You don’t even know what fugitives even do or if they can go to the store and get soda like normal people or if they just have to drink their own piss or something. Well, actually, even though you are not prepared, Dawn seems just about ready to book it. She is going to totally leave you here with your passed-out monkey ninja. She drops the Pokéball, sending formerly-Jaws back in, and goes to make a break for it. Then she stops, considers, takes the Poké Ball, and runs.

“Mine now, sucka!” she calls as she exits the lakefront.

You return not-Bruce to his Poké Ball and point after her. “She--I should get her--I’m--bye,” you explain, and you go after her.

Before you’re out of earshot, you hear the old man say, “Lucas, you incompetent little--you are fired, young man.” You duck around a tree to watch, and ‘Lucas’ swipes the last Pokéball and goes back down the path to Route 201.

Your name is Pearl, you are running for your life, and your life-changing event is not going as well as you had hoped.


End file.
